Job Application, Take 1

I’m applying to be a “Peer Mentor” for next year’s freshmen on the Barrett floor of ASU’s downtown campus. I consider myself a bit of a Renaissance man, with varying strengths. Here is the application that sadly will never be turned in.

Strengths:

Barrett Kickball Team Captain (Team Record – 1-2 with a 17-0 loss)

I provided great leadership and inspirational messages, such as, “Shut up and play kickball!” and “I want to trade some of my players. Is that okay?”

Climbed A Mountain

Technically, A Mountain is not a real mountain. It is, however, a very large, rocky hill with a big A on it. I climbed to the very top after 30 grueling minutes on semi-paved trails. This demonstrates my dedication to all things ASU.

Figured Out the Ending of Shutter Island Before It Happened

SPOILER ALERT! I totally knew he was crazy.

Ruined the Ending of Shutter Island for You

I’m sorry about that.

Weaknesses:

I Am Too Awesome

I may look down on all the people I work with.

I Work Too Hard

I will probably make you feel lazy.

I Can’t Think of Enough Weaknesses

These are my only weaknesses. Give me the job, now.

Peer Mentor Events (Peer Mentors are required to bring their mentees on one event per month, taking part in community-related activities.)

Kickball Rematch

It will be different this time. We will defeat Cronkite Village, even if it means cheating.

Late Night Walk to Circle K

This gas station may be the most dangerous place in Phoenix, but the slushees are delicious!

Arizona Hall of Flame Museum

It’s a museum for fire.