Dining Hall All-Star Team

After nearly six months at Arizona State, I’ve become well acquainted with the Taylor Place dining hall staff. In fact, I have created the ultimate dining experience by assembling the official Taylor Place dining hall All-Star team. The team consists of five members and is named Your Ultimate Meal Experience At Taylor Place: Exciting, Exciting! (YUM EAT PEE!) This team is the best of the best. Here is the official roster:

Register One

Tiny Asian Lady

Strengths: Tiny Asian Lady is consistently cheerful. Standing at approximately 4-foot-10, her size makes me feel powerful and important.

Register Two

Mustache Lady

Strengths: She has an impressive mustache and is also cheerful and welcoming. With her white hair, she looks like a smaller Morgan Freeman.

Grill One

Bearded Dreadlocks Guy (Not to be mistaken with Overly Cheerful Guy, who also has a beard, but longer dreads.)

Strengths: He is my dining hall MVP. He has offered me a double cheeseburger on at least three separate occasions, and often tells me to “have a great day.” He also once asked me how my weekend had been.

Grill Two

Tall White Guy

Strengths: He was the MVP until Bearded Dreadlocks Guy asked me about my weekend. He has world-class grilled cheese skills and says, “You’re welcome,” enthusiastically.

Specialties

Tasty Drinks Guy

Strengths: His Orange Juliuses are famous, and his rare strawberry milkshakes are even better. He is as big as three of me, so he could double as a bodyguard or bouncer if my All-Star team gets too famous.

YUM EAT PEE! will have a dining hall team to compete against, which consists of the less talented members of the dining hall. I call this team Not All-Stars Till You Properly Open Our Palettes (NASTY POOP). They’re sort of like that team that loses to the Harlem Globetrotters. Here is their short-handed roster:

Register

Creepy Guy

Weaknesses: He refers to Sara and me as his favorite couple, in a creepy way. He has a Mandarin tattoo on his wrist, and I doubt he knows what it means.

Stands Around Doing Nothing

Overly Enthusiastic Guy

Weaknesses: Get out of my face and make me some food.

Grill

The Man Who Never Speaks

Weaknesses: I thank this guy for the food he makes every single time I see him, and he never says anything back. One time, I asked for the specialty that day, a bacon cheeseburger, and he said they were all out of bacon, but I think he was lying. It was only 5 p.m.