I go to Catholic church. I like to think I'm a good Catholic, since I do my best to volunteer, to spare some change for the homeless and to be a generally nice person. Most people like me, so God probably does, too. I do have some un-saintly opinions, but I have a feeling that others can relate. Here they are:
I’m keeping track of the things I accidentally say instead of “Amen,” when I receive communion. It includes, “Yup,” “You, too,” and “Hey, thanks!” I refuse to drink the communion wine. If God wants me to drink out of the same cup as a hundred other people, he’ll send me a sign ... or a bad case of mono. Does this make me some sort of blasphemer? Maybe, but in the future, people will refuse communion wafers because of all the carbs. I seem holy in comparison.
I fear I may be allergic to incense.
I refuse to sing in church. It just doesn’t serve a purpose. If singing is so important in mass, why don’t the priests take voice lessons? Sing in church, and soon enough Lady Gaga will be running the show.
Where can I get one of those hats? They’re so big! Think they’re on eBay?
I don’t hold anybody’s hand unless they physically force me to do so. Handholding is one of the many similarities between church and Woodstock, and it needs to stop.
When did publishers start putting pictures in the Bible? I’m pretty sure they have the same illustrators as the airline safety pamphlets. The Bible takes place in troubled, violent times, but everyone in the pictures seems so calm. It seems unnatural.
Relax. God has a sense of humor. After all, he created panda bears.
According to the GIRM, you don't have to drink communion wine, so you're okay there.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the "Yup," "You too," and "Hey, thanks"...Eh.
Has Shenanigans read this yet? haha
ReplyDeleteHey Jack,
ReplyDeleteIt's Mrs. McGinley, your old neighbor(not to be confused with your neighbor that's old) but I figure you're old enough and on this blog to call me Gail. I love your sense of humor...very funny. Had to comment on you being a good Catholic boy. I remember you in the days of St. John Neumann. Do you remember singing with Christmas pageant mass?
Meghan used to sing "Christ has died, Christ is prison, Christ will come again" Shows to go you none of us really know the words to some of those songs. You're right, leave the singing to Lady Gaga.
Just had to comment. You can come see me at my blog, but I fear it may be a little girly for you to follow. You can see Meghan's news story there, though. Hope you are well and having fun at school. Good luck growing a stache. Personally, I think you look better without the facial hair.
Gail
aka Mrs. McGinley